


Wad You Up in My Love

by orderandsophism



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Hand Jobs, I'm so sorry for this, Katamari Damacy - Freeform, M/M, Shingekinokittyruined my life, bad handjob, no greasy blowies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 05:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2570189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orderandsophism/pseuds/orderandsophism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katamari Damacy AU</p><p>Levi, the Prince of All Cosmos, doesn't want to make stars, he just wants to clean  Erwin's crappy house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wad You Up in My Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ghostsjogging](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostsjogging/gifts).



> Based on [ this horribly adorable post ](http://ghostsjogging.tumblr.com/post/101809113987/prince-of-the-cosmos-doesnt-want-to-make-stars) by a certain jerk named [buttsjogging](http://ghostsjogging.tumblr.com)
> 
> Pretty much unedited and written under the influence of a vat full of Butterbeer Latte because hey autumn. For my buddy Val, who inspires me to commit the most horrific travesties against eruri in the name of our screwed up love.

The coast at dusk is brilliant, the sky a supernal display of crepuscular shades of indigos and purples encroaching upon the fading warmth of the sun as it sinks on its way down its own ecliptic beneath the shifting horizon of the seascape. Erwin takes a moment to appreciate the sight before he depresses his foot on the accelerator and speeds on to his uncle’s summer home. 

It’s a much needed vacation from the hum drum drone of his boring office job and the debilitating silence of his lonely apartment. It’s a chance for Erwin to take in some stargazing, his most cherished pastime, and also for a nice change of pace. He’s still lonely, he’s still alone, but at least he might find some clarity between the expanse of the stars. 

Later that evening, Erwin is trudging down that same coast, his Celestron Ambassador 80AZ telescope tucked under his arm as he searches for a good spot where he can contemplate the heavens unmolested. He chooses a spot unnecessarily, by an outcropping of rock whose formation he likes for no reason at all, and sets the telescope down atop it. 

The skies are so clear, and the wind is a surprisingly manageable gentleness tonight, and Erwin whistles contentedly to himself as he unpacks the rest of his gear, imagining all the nebulae waiting to be observed on this clear midsummer night.

His finger brushes something hard as he runs a hand through the powdery sand, and even in the falling darkness, he can see the brightness of something garish-green fitted neatly in the curve of rosy scallop shell. Erwin squints and leans forward until he nearly cuts the tip of his nose on the razor sharpness of the shell’s edge, and shines his phone’s light on the specimen to get a better look. He can make out a small face enveloped in a strange lime green hood, a spray of black hair peeking out, tiny hands and tiny feet, and a tiny chest that rises and falls quite evenly in his obvious slumber. 

Erwin is mesmerized.

He fumbles for his telescope as he clumsily stands, and gingerly makes his way back to the car, where cannot trust to set it down even for a moment, and foolishly maneuvers his way home down treacherous and rocky side streets with only one hand on the steering wheel.

His uncle’s vacation home is beautiful but ostentatious Victorian done up in a rather gaudy American Queen Anne style, replete with vulgar colors worthy of making it a Painted Lady if it had been made further north in San Francisco. It is old and everything made of creaking hardwood that still gives Erwin a moment of frightened pause when he thinks  
too much about it. He settles in a rocking chair by the fireplace and stares at the wonder in the shell a bit more.

The little man seems to be shivering now, and Erwin can sympathize: there’s a pervasive draft that lingers when the north wind blows, and Erwin can never seem to mitigate it properly. He smiles beatifically before gently placing it on the coffee table and taking up a needle and thread and some quilting scraps from his aunt’s sewing box to fashion a tiny blanket to warm him. 

He spends the better part of the evening ruining his eyesight over the diminutive duvet, and finally lays it ever so gently atop the sleeping little thing, who flinches anyways with a decidedly annoyed click of his tongue, but pulls the covers tight about him and settles in again. Erwin leaves him on his bedside table, only inches away from his pillow, and checks on him assiduously throughout the night. 

At morning light, Erwin wakes to find the little shell empty, with the little comforter folded neatly within. The little man is nowhere to be found, and Erwin nearly leaps out of bed, then regrets the haste. He checks the bottom of his foot to make sure he hasn’t squished him by accident. His sole thankfully bereft of any small person carnage, Erwin checks around the bed then ducks down to check under it, and finally hears a faint but even and fairly insistent click-clacking, and sees the tiny green-clad thing practically barreling towards him with a dust bunny tall enough to reach his tiny waist. Erwin, in his infinite awkwardness, bursts out into a hearty laugh at the sight.

The tiny man doesn’t seem to take to the reaction very well and drop kicks the dust bunny into his face, which strikes Erwin on the apple of his cheek and is surprisingly dense. Stunned into a frown that matches his little friend’s, the blond looks down at the piece of fuzz to see that it is, in fact, a strange amalgamation of pebbles and tiny Lego pieces and small coins held together with some sort of glittering viscous material. Before he can get a clearer look, it is snatched from his hand by an irate little man, who wheels it away out the door and down the hall, out of sight.

Erwin swears he saw it grow larger. 

-

Downstairs, he finds the little man in repose by the fireplace, the ball of trash indeed now larger than him by twice, and Erwin is amazed that that much refuse exists in this house. He squats by the little man, who pointedly looks off into the distance past the blonde’s ears, and sighs deeply. 

“What’s your name?” Erwin asks, and the little man continues to gaze off in the direction of nothing at all.

“Are you hungry?” Erwin presses, and pantomimes eating a morsel of food and patting his belly with contentment. The little man jumps up at the sign and catches himself, composing himself before regarding the giant with an apathetic nod. 

Erwin ransacks the cupboards looking for something small enough to eat, and finds a bag of half-stales tortilla chips and lightly buttered popcorn. He smashes the chips into tiny pieces as he waits for the popcorn to heat in the microwave, serving up both of them in tiny ramekins for his choosing. The little man looks perplexed until Erwin offers him a single popcorn kernel from his own fingertips, which he takes with a wary expression before nibbling at it tentatively. 

He nods his approval with a look that Erwin takes to mean “not bad,” and finishes the rest. Erwin watches as he then races towards the kitchen, where he stands just below where the rest of the bag of popcorn sits on the counter, arms outstretched and hopping madly, chirping in frustration until Erwin retrieves the bag for him and set it on the floor.

He eats the few kernels sitting on the lip of the bag, practically inhaling them, before crawling inside on his hands and knees to finish off the remnants.

Ten minutes later, Erwin reaches in to fish out the unctuous little man covered in artificial butter, half asleep in the world’s most adorable food coma.

Erwin fills the kitchen sink with warm water and lavender hand soap, which bubbles up nicely as Erwin attempts to negotiate the tiny green hooded jumpsuit the limp figure in his palm is wearing. There seem to be no zippers or any other obvious closures, and so he manages to gently work the fabric off. It’s strangely stretchy and is not as difficult as he imagined it would be, and soon the little thing is naked and being deposited gently into the bath. 

He wakes at the first dip in the water and begins clutching hard at Erwin’s hand, digging his tiny needle-like nails into his palm as he squawks in displeasure up at the blond.

“Hey, hey, easy,” Erwin cooes. “It’s just a bath. I thought you’d like being clean.”

The little man stops struggling and glares poniards up at him before scrambling behind a monumentally large sud and scrubbing himself hard (at least, that’s what Erwin assumes he's’ doing based on the vigorous shaking of the suds tower he’s hiding behind). A minute later, and he’s swimming out, nose held high in the air, still wearing a spectacular frown, as he scrambles out of the sink and behind a sponge, grabbing at a paper towel to cover his nakedness.

“Oh, so you like baths, you just didn’t want to be naked around me, is that it?” Erwin asks, and there’s teasing in his voice.

The little man makes a sharp gesture, full of intent, and though Erwin does not know exactly what it means, he knows when he’s being flipped the proverbial bird.

Erwin scrubs the soft little suit with some more lavender soap and an old toothbrush and leaves it to dry, then spends the rest of the day fashioning a tiny mattress to fit inside the little man’s shell bed. Made from more quilt scraps and stuffing from a disemboweled sofa cushion, he’s fairly sure his aunt will kill him for ruining it, but that’s a bridge to cross at a later time. He makes little pillowcases to match and wonders if he’s lost a man card, but any useless, nagging thoughts are forgotten when the freshly-clothed, angry little man flops face-first into his shell bed and falls right to sleep.

-

The next day, Erwin finds the little man has grown inexplicably to just below his knee, but still can not or will not speak.

“Hungry?” Erwin asks today, and the little man grunts his assent as he taps impatiently at the glass door leading out to the garden. Erwin opens it for him, and he bolts outside. It isn’t until he’s fixed his meal of a bag of popcorn does Erwin look outside to see the tiny man rolling a glittering,leviathan ball larger than his house comprising of old christmas lights, weathervanes and flamingo lawn ornaments. The blond darts out to snatch him up by his scruff and drag him inside before anyone can catch him in the act.

“Tch,” he says, crossing his arms, and Erwin wants to shake him, but he’s so darn cute. 

Later that night, the little man is clearly unable to fit into the shell bed anymore, and Erwin shyly offers up a space on his bed. The little thing climbs in beside him, settling against him like the tiniest rain cloud and falls fast asleep against his shoulder. Erwin bites his fist in an attempt to stave off the whimper of pain from how devastatingly cute he is.

-

The next day, he’s grown to Erwin’s chest, and has begun to utter recognizable words and small phrases.

“What’s your name?” Erwin ventures again, and this time, miraculously, receives an answer.

“Levi,” he mutters, popping a handful of popcorn in his mouth and Erwin is surprised to hear the gravel in the husky baritone of his voice. He also finds he is not displeased by it.

Now that he’s begun to talk, the silences take on a newfound awkwardness.

“So … not going to round up any trash today?” Erwin asks lightly, in an attempt to make conversation.

“Oh. Right,” Levi says tonelessly, then disappears around the corner, returning to toss a pair of white and blue pleated seersucker pants on the floor at Erwin’s feet.

“Hey, those are my Fourth of July pants!” he exclaims in disbelief.

Levi kicks at them, and they fly up into the air high enough for him to catch it and saunter off with them. “Trust me, I’m doing you a favor.”

-

On the fifth day, Erwin walks into the bathroom to find Levi already in the tub.

“Jeez, I’m so sorry!” he exclaims, covering his eyes.

Levi is unaffected. “I’m almost done, but you can join me if you like.”

Erwin flails internally. “No, that’s fine, I can wait.”

“Oh, so you like baths, you just don’t want to be naked around me, is that it?” Levi says blankly, and Erwin immediately recognizes his own words being used against him. Levi swishes a hand in the water. “I don’t know, you practically tore proprietary away from me. It’s only fair.”

Erwin sighs profoundly and reaches to undo the knot of the towel at his waist, letting it drop to the floor to reveal his nakedness. He avoids Levi’s scuinizing eyes and slips into the warm, perfumed water with hesitation, settling in the spot in which he could be furthest away from Levi physically. 

The dark-haired man quirks an amused brow, his eyes immediately drawn to Erwin’s pectorals glistening with bathwater in the pale morning light. He shifts forward, hands cupping them appreciatively before sitting back with a sated smile. “Not bad,” he says, smoothing a hand over his own still-small chest. “I can’t wait until I get mine.”

Erwin finishes bathing in peace and comes down to hear the water running in the kitchen and finds Levi chewing on some popcorn as he empties juice and water and milk containers down the drain and tossing their empties into a pile on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Erwin demands as he watches Levi squat and mold the pile into a glistening ball.

“There’s nothing else to throw away,” he says simply, and Erwin stalks off towards the kitchen closet. He returns with a swiffer and a bag of sponges and a self-wringing mop. 

“Here,” he says, thrusting them into Levi’s arms. “If you want to clean so much, you can clean with these.”

“But how am I supposed to make proper katamari with dust particles?” Levi asks, genuinely concerned.

“I dont know! Figure it out!” Erwin exclaims, frantically making lists of what to replace at the market.

-

The next morning Erwin wakes to a spotless house, so immaculate it almost sparkles. And yet, when Erwin goes downstairs, he sees Levi with his arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently on the hardwood floor as he stares out at the garden. 

He’s not much larger today, reaching as high as Erwin’s chin, but he’s definitely more … substantial. Erwin only notices because today Levi has chosen to forego his usual green onesie in favor of Erwin’s own blue plaid pajama bottoms, cuffs rolled as high as his calves. 

“What’s wrong?” Erwin asks, and Levi’s face is fuming.

“Look!” he says, uncrossing his arms and standing so Erwin can get a better view.

He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to look at. “You’re shirtless …?”

“No, look at my chest,” Levi says, pointing exasperatedly at his bare tots. 

Erwin shakes his head. “Yeah, I don’t know what you want me to look at …”

Levi darts forward, and in a second his hands are all over Erwin’s chest, squeezing and pinching and cupping as much as he can before Erwin swats his hand away. “What are you doing?”

“How do you get tits that big?” Levi demands, ignoring his question.

Erwin walks away.

But he cannot walk away from Levi later in the evening, when they’re in bed. He cannot escape the inquisitive hands when he wakes in the middle of the night to Levi sitting in his lap, straddling him and feeling him up again. 

Erwin suffers his strange caresses, convincing himself that this beautiful, insistent creature cannot know any better. He’s some sort of alien or otherworldly creature of some sort, he doesn’t understand human boundaries. But when Levi leans forward to inspect his face, and he smells like fresh-scent Pine-sol and lavender hand soap, for some reason the sharp freshness of it incites a horrifically tumescent protuberance in the region of his crotch.

“L-Levi, could you move, maybe …?” Erwin stammers out, sweating.

“Hm? Why?” Levi asks, still preoccupied with Erwin’s chest.

“Just …. please?”

Levi sits up, which is exactly what Erwin doesn’t want, and there is a palpable mortification on the blond’s part as he watches in horror as Levi’s eyes widen. The raven’s hips grind down as if to discern exactly what is the foreign object now pressed against the crevice of his ass.

“What is this?” he asks, more inquisitive than demanding, as he bounces down upon it. 

Erwin grimaces. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s clearly not nothing,” Levi shoots back, and dismounts. “I want to see.”

Erwin’s eyes widen. “No way.”

Levi glares at him archly. “I’m the Prince of All Cosmos, and I command you to take your pants off.”

“... what?” 

Erwin expects some grand gesture to accompany his grand announcement, but instead Levi sits and tugs fruitlessly at his pajama bottoms, having not quite figured out to undo the drawstring for access.

Frustrated, he gives up trying to divest the blond of his pants and instead thrusts a hand inside to feel around for the presumptuous source of the disturbance against his ass, and finds only Erwin’s shamefully hardened cock.

His slender fingers wrap around his thick shaft, and Erwin whimpers feebly. Levi interprets it to mean that Erwin is in pain, and draws his hand away, only to discover that it is stuck.

“It’s stuck,” Levi informs him dispassionately. 

“What?” Erwin is mortified.

“My hands sometimes a emit a sort of glue, which I can use to begin a katamari, and also help adhere things to it,” he explains, though it does nothing to assuage Erwin’s utter desolation in the matter. “Sorry. Does it hurt?”

Erwin shifts. “Not exactly.”

“Well, what can I do to help?”

And with that, Erwin receives the strangest hand job of his life.

His dick is covered in glitter for days.

-

The pair of them settle into a queer sort of domestic bliss in the remaining few weeks of Erwin’s vacation, and the inevitable question is strangely easier to ask than it had any right to be, given their circumstances.

“I’m going home,” Erwin tells him, and Levi stops scrubbing the counter long enough to throw a confused frown over his shoulder in Erwin’s direction.

“What does that mean?” 

“This is my uncle’s house,” he informs him gently. “I’m on vacation. I actually live further down south by a few hours.” He pauses to gather his courage. “Do you want to come with me?”

“Where else would I go?” Levi mutters, resuming his scrubbing of the counter. 

It somehow has never occurred Erwin to ask Levi where he has come from. “Where is your home?” he asks slowly. "I’m sorry, I’ve never asked.” 

Levi turns to regard him with a slight frown. “With you,” he says as if it is the most obvious answer in the world, and Erwin’s heart flutters in his chest. 

He sidles up behind Levi, arm circling his waist to pull him close as he presses a kiss to the nape of his neck. “Home wouldn’t feel right without you,” he breathes, and Levi’s lips stretch into an awkward, too-wide smile.

“Do you need help packing?” Levi asks, rubbing his hands together.

Erwin knows exactly what this means. “No. Nonono, I’m fine.” A thought occurs. “What happens to those giant balls of trash you accrue? I mean, I see you make them, they’re huge and then they just seem to disappear?”

Levi simply points up. “They’re up there. They’re stars.”

Erwin wrinkles his nose in disbelief. “You’re telling me there are stars made of my trash?”

“And your terrible taste in clothing,” Levi adds, and Erwin swats at his butt playfully. “I told you, I was doing you a favor. You’re better off.”

“Yeah,” Erwin agrees, laying an indulgent kiss on Levi’s cheek. “I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> I dont even know what I just wrote I'm sorry


End file.
